Flight of a butterfly

Back to school

Fri, 18 May 2007 21:56:35 GMT

I have a decision to make in the next few days, which is going to change a lot for me next year, if i decide to do it.

Let me give you some background. I work in a school library that trains nurses and a sort of social workers (to work with mentally disabled people who are institutionalized in one way or the other). My job is not only to digitally catalog our books, tape video's/dvd's and lend out our material, but also to help students with their work. Explain or help them if they don't understand something concerning the pc, help them find information (or better, teach them how they can do it themselves), and help the teachers in the same way (you'd be surprised how little teachers actually know how to use a pc or the internet). Now those last things make my job fun. Working with the students and teachers is the only reason why i was able to work there for over 5 years. My last record was 4 year at the gym, other jobs never lasted longer than 2 years before i got bored.

A few years ago we heard that the school system as we know it for so many decades will be changing, and this coming school year will be the start of it (in our school anyways). I'll spare you the details, but it will mean that my job no longer will exist. The library won't be there anymore, instead there will be large rooms (study-floors as we call them), where everything can be found that the student will need, including pc's and books. Classes will be gone too, everything will happen on that same floor. Teachers will become coaches and students will have to do a lot individually. Which can be good for fast learners. It no longer matters what you do when and on what pace, you can decide that for yourself. In the end you'll need to be able to do a lot of things, and it's up to you how you get to that point.

With my job being executed, they gave me two options. I can either do nothing and get to do the same things as before, just only the things that concerned the practical side of the job. Ordering material, catalog them, and all other kinds of paperwork. No more working with people, only the pc. That is no option for me, i won't last a year... Or i can go back to school and become a class-assistant. I was the first one they asked over a year ago, but i declined, because i was going to move to the UK. Now that's not going to happen, i'm seriously thinking about doing it.

Thirteen years ago i got my diploma from the same school i'm working in now, so i'm also a Social Pedagogic Worker (only 13 years ago we covered more fields than only the mentally handicapped). This new education falls under that same category, only a different field. It does mean i already had to learn half the things i'll need to learn now. Last week i got offered a second time to do this education. We had a long talk and the school decided i am allowed to do 2 years in 1. Because we are starting with this new school system, i still need to do all the tests, and proof i can do what they ask of me, but i won't have to do all the theory. Still, it will going to be a lot of work.

I have until tuesday to decide. Even though i want to do it, the amount of extra work is scaring me off a bit. I won't have time for anything else anymore for a year, except work and study. Fortunately i can do a lot of the studying and typing at work, because that is the place i'll need to collect the proof from that i can handle those students ;)

My school day will be fridays, so during my work time. There really shouldn't be any doubt for me, school is paying for the education and i can do it during work hours.... Except for the homework and preparations for the classes i'll need to give to my fellow students to practise.

I guess the thought that i want to leave this country and move somewhere else, experience new surroundings, still stops me from starting new things here. And the fact that - again - i'm in love with a guy who lives far away doesn't help either. Then again, he doesn't know what he wants anyways, and i've kept my life on hold for guys long enough now.

<3 mum

Fri, 18 May 2007 21:44:21 GMT

Last sunday i called my mum, i don't do that as often as i should, and hardly couldn't understand her. My mum always drops the horn to her chin, so i asked her to hold it to her mouth again, but she kept making all kind of weird excuses for not coming trough clearer. After a bit of interrogation i found out she had a nerve infection in her face and her whole face was paralyzed.

Why do mums never tell you when something is wrong? She already had it for almost a week and i didn't know. Apparently i have a reason to worry so much, i would do that a lot less if i knew she'd tell me every time something is wrong.

Yesterday when i called her she sounded a lot better, and today was even better than yesterday. I'm glad the medicines are working. And boy are they working...

Mum: "You know how i am always against medicines, right? As soon as you start taking medicines you need to start taking others to fight the symptoms of the first, i never thought it was worth it, even though i took the once the doctor gave me. But you know, i am sleeping so good last few days. I don't wake up in the middle of the night and i have the most beautiful dreams (my mum often has nightmares). I think i like those Pretnisons!

Great, something else to deal with. A mum on drugs :D

<3 coffee

Sun, 06 May 2007 08:15:37 GMT

I'm so grateful for my cups of coffee in the morning....

There's so much to do in this apartment here. I finally decided it's really time to unpack all the boxes and clean up the mess after sitting in a renovation for 3 years.
I kept putting it off because i was planning to move to the UK, but that's not going to happen anymore. I still want to move to another country, but i don't know where yet, maybe i'll move to Austria for a year or so. My family lives there. Before i leave, i have to get some order into this chaos here. I'm not even able to move when i keep all this junk. I have to get ridd of half of my stuff. That's very hard for me, i'm not very good in letting go ;)
It is easier to move when i know what things i have and where everything should go. So i'm putting everything in place where it should be, and collect the things i really don't need or don't have place for anymore (and that's even harder, some things i still like a lot). I'm not too far yet, but at least i made a start.
Because of the renovation, i had to move everything from the windows to the other side of the room, so now everything is still piling up against my closets. I started by moving the boxes to the other end of the room again, so now my closets are halfway cleared. Some more boxes next week and they are freed from their captivity. After that i can unpack and put everything i want to keep away, and put aside everything that has to leave.
It's going to be a long term project though, i have way too much stuff.

I also started taking on more jobs outside of my normal job. I had more massages last 3 weeks than i took on in a few months before. And i'm cleaning at a friends house now. I'm thinking of working on saturdays too, so if anybody has a job for me ;)

All this has a very good side effect... I lost 3 kilo's in 9 days =D
Not that it will last long, because my body gets used to hard work way too fast. So to keep loosing weight i have to do more and more and i do need a little sleep as well ;)

Anyways, i finnished my coffee and have to move again. So much to do, so little time....

Sun, how i love thee!

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 09:59:20 GMT

Even though we didn't really have a very cold winter, we had a gray sky for weeks. Gray skies, rain and hardly any sunlight. I don't do well without sunlight...
Then finally we had beautiful weather last week. Sunday was nice and sunny, but the wind was too strong to sit outside without a sweater still. Then monday... So nice and warm. All the tiredness from winter blown away with one sunny day!
After that it started to get worse again, but not so much to get worried about.

Now this morning it has been raining all morning. I like to have warm milk in my coffee, so i put my cup in the microwave and look outside at the rain. I set the timer on 20 seconds and tell a friend how much i would like it to stop raining, because i have to go out in a few minutes. I take my cup out of the microwave, look outside and it's snowing! Big flakes. Last week i was sitting almost naked on my balcony and now it's snowing again!

That's it, i'm moving to a warmer country!

Mister right or wrong?

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 22:28:14 GMT

Never Date a Scorpio

Jealous, paranoid, and possessive - deep down, your Scorpio will never trust you.
And even if you are very trust worthy person, Scorpio's paranoia may drive you to act out.

Instead try dating: Aries, Gemini, Libra, or Sagittarius

What Sign Shouldn't You Date?

Oh no! I'm dating a scorpio! What to do now? o.O

What soul?

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 02:24:52 GMT

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult

You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

I am a dreamer? Well, that's a surprise.... not :)

What vampire?

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 20:06:17 GMT

You scored as Dracula. You are the smooth sexy cool Dracula. Patient and lustful. If you were any cooler youd be ice. Great style with a way of seducing those around you. And three brides who wouldn't want to be him.

</td>

Dracula

83%

Louis

75%

Marius

75%

Armand

67%

Blade

50%

Lestat

50%

Spike

50%

Deacon Frost

33%

Akasha

25%

Angel

Whose your Vampire personality? (images)
created with QuizFarm.com

Stolen from Karijn :)

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 20:40:48 GMT

Well, i've been through 99 of these 158 things. Either a lot of those things are pretty stupid, or i haven't lived enough yet.
It's probably a mixture of both =D
I especially need to travel a lot more. I've been swimming in so many different waters, from mountain/glacier streams to the Mediterranean Sea, even in small forest ponds, but not the ocean. I live 15 minutes from the sea (by car), but again, that's not the ocean ;)

Directions:
1. Put numbers in the boxes instead of x's (example: 1, 2, 3, 4, ...)
2. Repost as "I have lived through ____ of these 158 things. "

I have lived through 99 of these 158 things.

[01] I have read a lot of books.
[] I have been on some sort of varsity team.
[02] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping.
[] I have been to Canada.

[03] I have been to Europe.
[04] I have watched cartoons for hours.
[05] I have tripped UP the stairs.
[06] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
[07] I have been snowboarding/skiing.

[08] I have played ping pong.
[] I swam in the ocean.
[] I have been on a whale watch.
[09] I have seen fireworks.

[10] I have seen a shooting star.
[] I have seen a meteor shower.
[] I have almost drowned.
[11] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.

[12] I have listened to one CD over and over and over again.
[13] I have had stitches.
[] I have had frostbite.
[] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there.
[14] I have stayed up til 2 doing homework/projects.
[15] I currently have a job.
[16] I have been ice skating.
[] I have been rollerblading.
[17] I have fallen flat on my face.
[18] I have tripped over my own two feet.
[19] I have been in a fist fight.
[20] I have played videogames for more than 3 hours straight.
[21] I have watched the power rangers.

[22] I attend(ed) Church regularly.
[23] I have played truth or dare.
[24] I have already had my 16th birthday.
[25] I have already had my 17th birthday.
[26] I've called someone stupid.
[27] I've been in a verbal argument.
[28] I've cried in school.
[] I've played basketball on a team.
[] I've played baseball on a team.
[] I've played football on a team.
[] I've played soccer on a team.
[] I've played softball on a team.
[] I've played volleyball on a team.
[] I've played tennis on a team.
[] I've been on a track or cross country team.
[29] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life.
[] I've bungee jumped.

[30] I've climbed a rock wall.
[31] I've lost more than $20.
[32] I've called myself an idiot.
[33] I've called someone else an idiot.
[34] I've cried myself to sleep.
[35] I've had (or have) pets.

[] I've owned a spice girls CD.
[] I've owned a britney spears CD.
[] I've owned an N*Sync CD.
[] I've owned a backstreet boys CD.
[] I've mooned someone.

[] I have sworn at someone of authority before.
[36] I've been in the newspaper.
[] I've been on TV.
[] I've been to Hawaii.
[37] I've eaten sushi.
[38] I've been on the other side of a waterfall.

[39] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies.
[40] I've watched all the Harry Potter movies.
[] I've watched all of the Rocky movies.
[41] I've watched the 3 stooges.
[42] I've watched "Newlyweds" Nick & Jessica.

[43] I've watched Looney Tunes.
[44] ~~I've been stuffed into a locker~~/I have stuffed others into lockers. (they didn't realize i was stronger than them ;)
[45] I've been called a geek.
[46] I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade. (french is evil)
[47] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it. (i loved math :)

[] I've hugged my mom within the past 24 hrs.
[] I've hugged my dad within the past 24 hours.(i wished i could still do that :(
[48] I've met a celebrity/music artist. (i even had an e-mailing contest with one, about who could sent the most discusting e-mails :)
[49] I've written poetry.
[] I've been arrested.

[50] I've been attracted to someone much older than me.
[51] I've been tickled till I've cried.
[52] I've tickled someone else until they cried.
[53] I've had/have siblings.
[54] I've been to a rock concert.

[55] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
[56] I've been in a play.
[57] I've been picked last in gym class.
[58] I've been picked first in gym class.
[59] I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class.

[60] I've cried in front of my friends.
[61] I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages.
[] I've played Halo 2.
[] I've freaked out over a sports game.
[] I've been to Alaska.

[] I've been to China.
[] I've been to Spain.
[] I've been to Japan.
[] I've had a fight with someone on AIM.
[62] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face.
[63] I've had serious conversations on any IM.

[64] I've forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me.
[65] I've been forgiven.
[66] I've screamed at a scary movie.
[67] I've cried at a chick flick.
[68] I've watched a lot of action movies.
[69] I've screamed at the top of my lung.
[] I've been to a rap concert.

[] I've been to a hip hop concert.
[70] I've lived in more than 2 houses.
[71] I've driven on the highway/been on the highway.
[72] I've driven more than 40 miles in a day/been in a car that went more than 40 miles in a day.
[73] I've been in a car accident.

[74] I've done drugs. (although i didn't know, and to be honest, alcohol IS classified as a hard-drug ;)
[75] I've been homesick. (although very rarely, i like to travel around)
[76] I've thrown up.
[77] I've puked on someone. (on the woman who gave me xtc and told me it was an aspirin, revenge is sweet)
[] I've been horseback riding.

[] I've filled out more than 10 myspace surveys.
[78] I've spoken my mind in public.
[79] I've proved someone wrong.
[80] I've been proven wrong by someone.
[] I've broken a leg.

[] I've broken an arm.
[81] I've fallen off a swing.
[] I've swung on a swing for more than 30 minutes straight
[] I've watched Winnie the Pooh movies.
[] I've forgotten my backpack when I've gone to school.

[82] I've lost my backpack. (fell off the back of my bike without me noticing)
[83] I've come close to dying.
[84] I've seen someone die.
[85] I've known someone who has died.
[] I've wanted to be an actor/actress at some point.

[86] I've done modeling. (for an art-class)
[] I've forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings.
[] I've taken something/someone for granted.
[87] I've realized how good my life is.
[88] I've counted my blessings.
[89] I've made fun of a classmate.
[90] I've been asked out by someone and I said no.

[91] I've slapped someone in the face.
[] I've been skateboarding.
[92] I've been backstabbed by someone I thought was a friend.
[93] I've lied to someone to their face. (did several times, but they always knew. I'm such a bad liar, so i gave up on that)
[94] I've told a little white lie.

[95] I've taken a day off from school just so I don't go insane.
[96] I've fainted.
[] I've had an argument with someone about whether cheerleading is a sport or not.
[97] I've pushed someone into a pool.
[98] I've been pushed into a pool.
[99] I've been/am in love.

Merry Christmas!!

Sun, 24 Dec 2006 00:55:45 GMT

May you all have a very happy one.

A Christmas Carol

Sun, 10 Dec 2006 17:15:46 GMT

How do you know it's getting close to Christmas? It's not that cold yet and it hardly ever snows during Christmas. So how do i notice the holiday season has started? First thing that gives it away is the decoration in shops. You can buy fake snow out of a can earlier each year. But i'm not bothered about that. I just skip the Christmas-section in shops. There is something that surprises me every year though.

I came home from work a few weeks ago (it was about the 24th of november) when i was blinded by the first signs of christmas. I know this is a celebration of light (at least it was in the old days) but this is ridiculous! People turn their homes into circus attractions. How you can find peace in your heart when there are hundreds of flickering coloured lights in your window is beyond me.

Not only does it look terrible, this insanity starts earlier each year too. I've been told that it's an American custom to start decorating the day after Thanksgiving. Well i can understand that, but we are in the Netherlands here. It's a shame to see our own traditions die because of all the American influences. In the Netherlands it used to be not done to start decorating before Sinterklaas. Now i never liked this guy and his celebration, i guess having a foreign mum who wasn't familiar with the customs didn't help that either, but it has it's charm and i see a lot of kids enjoying it.

All this made me think about how we celebrated Christmas and it makes me sad that my kids will never know the excitement i felt and celebrated like i did, no matter how hard i'll try. Because Christmas is all around them for a month before Christmas already. I would love to give them at least one Christmas like mine, just one.

The ghost of Christmas past

First let me tell you that i don't really know how other dutch people celebrated Christmas, because my mum is from Austria and we spend lots of Christmases there. I guess living in a very small village on a mountain, surrounded by forests adds to that special Christmas feeling.

We kids knew it was getting closer to Christmas when the whole house started to smell like freshly baked cookies, but the excitement about all that snow was still stronger than the excitement about the coming of Christmas. My brother and i spend all day outside with my cousins, playing in the snow. Getting all cold and wet without even noticing. Our favorite thing was bobsledding down the mountain, which lasted about a minute, after which we had to climb up again for over half an hour. But it was worth it. The speed, the thrill, the victory!

Then it became the 24th of december. The evening before Christmas. In Austria and a lot of other Celtic countries (Austria isn't Celtic anymore, but there are lots of findings that show there used to be Celts in Austria) people start celebrating the night before. It was only when i learned more about Celts and Paganism that i knew why. To the Celts the new day starts at sundown, not at midnight.

Anyways, back to the 24th. The day before Christmas and except for the scent of cookies and the sound of Christmas carols, there was still no sign of Christmas. This day was different than the others before though. We kids weren't allowed in certain rooms anymore, to prevent scaring away das Christkindl.

Then when evening came we all had dinner in my grandmothers kitchen. When we were kids, all my mum's family was living in the same village, they all were neighbours in fact. Except for one aunt and uncle, they lived in Vienna but had a weekend apartment there. So it was very easy to get all of us together in one big celebration. After dinner, still at the table, we all sang together. Well, the adults sang, we kids started to get very nervous now. "Will das Christkindl find us here?", "Did we leave a window open so he could get in?", "Isn't he too scared with all the adults singing this loud? Or was he already here but didn't we hear him?". When this is going through your head, it's kind of hard to concentrate on songs...

Then all of a sudden, we heard a little bell coming from upstairs (our floor, my granny was on ground floor and we were on the second floor). Imagine six kids running up wooden stairs as fast as they can, all trying to be the first to get in the room. When the door opened, we saw our Christmas tree for the first time, with lighted sparklers and the window slightly open because we were too fast for the Christkidl to close it. We just missed him again!

Then we started unpacking our gifts. Every family had gifts for the whole family, and because neither of us had a lot of money, there were a lot of home-made gifts. And frankly, i miss that. It makes me sad to listen to kids nowadays and their wishes. Fuck the parents if they didn't get the 400 euro gift they asked for. A lot of kids nowadays deserve a good spanking. A home-made gift shows love, people put time and effort in to make it for you. To me that is worth a whole deal more than an expensive gift. We kids of course did get some toys, but when we got older, we were getting more and more home-made gifts too. I still have the very fine crocheted tablecloth my grandma made for me, and the very beautiful pottery my aunt made.

After we finished in our room, we went down a floor, to one of my aunt and uncles. There we started all over with drinks and unpacking gifts. From there to my other aunt and uncle and we always finished with our last aunt and uncle (the ones that made me the pottery), because they had the most room to play. They are artists and build their house according to their needs. The house had a concrete floor and the main area reached from floor to roof. On two sides of the house they build rooms like balconies. That was very cool. They needed the big area because they made large objects of clay. In the middle of that area they had a large Christmas tree hanging down from the ceiling/roof. Just high enough above the floor so all the kids, cats and dogs could run and play underneath it without knocking it over. I loved that house...

The day ended like almost all cold days we spend in Austria. All the kids were gathered around in pajama's and we had to run out in the snow barefooted. Then when we got back in, the mum's rubbed our feet dry and warm and we went straight to bed. Their little trick to give us a warm and glowing feeling in bed, and it works.

No matter what happened later in life, i'll always cherish these memories. Life was good then.

The ghost of Christmas present

Until this year i've tried to keep our tradition a little alive, even though i call it Yule now instead of Christmas. I never started decorating until the weekend before Christmas. I did had to buy the tree a few weeks before though, or else all the good ones would have been gone. That wouldn't be a problem if i would get a fake tree, but to me that's not an option, a real tree is a must. I love real trees, the look, the scent, everything. Especially now i don't have a carpet where the needles get stuck in until next Christmas.

My decorations still look Austrian as well, very natural. Half of the decorations in the tree i made myself. Gold-sprayed walnuts and pine cones :)

This year i'll 'skip' Christmas, the decorating part anyways. It's just not worth it this year. After the major renovation we had 2 months ago, my apartment is still a mess. And because i started packing, there are cardboard boxes every where. I have some lights all year round anyways and i already started to burn candles again now it's getting dark outside so early. That's enough decoration for me this year.

I'll go to my mum on the 24th and will stay there until the next day. Most likely i'll bring my ps2 again, so my mum and i can watch some movies together when my brother and his family go home. Something we really like doing together :)

After Christmas, my boyfriend comes over from the UK for a week. I'm looking for things we can do, because i would like to show him some more of the Netherlands. Maybe we'll visit some friends too. And i'm planning to get him some fireworks for New Year's Eve. Normally i wouldn't pay for fireworks. There is so much going off other people payed for, i don't feel the need to pay for some myself. But this is different, i grew up with lots of fireworks and for him this was new. He likes things that go boom. Last year he even called home to a friend to let him hear the fireworks and to tell that it goes on and on and on. He's such a guy ;)

The ghost of Christmas future

Who knows what the future will bring us? We'll just have to wait and see, won't we?

Even though you never can be certain, i do hope it involves a family, a tree and the scent of freshly baked cookies.

The story of here and there

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 16:38:44 GMT

Short version
I'm here and move there.

Long version
I see you are curious he, or maybe a little bored? Whatever the reason, here is the long version. Let's start at the beginning, shall we?

How it all began

When i moved in this apartment 6 years ago, i was living a boring life*. I didn't like the apartment, but it was the only place i could get and i needed a roof over my head because i split up with my boyfriend.

A year later (or were it 2 years?) my neighbours suddenly moved out, and some young boys were moving in. Geeky boys... I knew it when i first saw the swords and the Warhammer figurines (was it Warhammer?). Suddenly i was filled with happiness and i knew i would have fun times with them, and for the first time i was happy i was living there.

And fun times we had. Jemimus, GrefTek and me were watching movies together and discussing them afterwards, we were playing games and talked a lot. Until one of them moved out to live with his American girlfriend and the other fell victim to the horrible disease called World of Warcraft, but that's another story.

Quit soon after they moved in, i noticed all the books about guns, strangely enough, that didn't frighten me at all. So they proudly showed me a site they build. It was a site for a counter strike clan they were leading, and a community for modelers and skinners to make said game a bit more interesting. I was looking at the site and was impressed, but i also thought: "Hahaha, a site for making drawings of guns. Silly boys.".

I'm sorry, i didn't know better...

* (Ed - this woman is lying. We know for a fact that she went to loads of parties, did all kind of fun things like creative courses and was home about 2 nights every, say, 3 months. The only true thing about this part of the story is that she hated the apartment)

How it all continued

Since that time they showed me the community, i was reading it on and of, because i'm a curious person, and i like to know what friends like to do in their free time. But it didn't really interest me and i was still thinking: lol, boys and their toys (by this time i picked up the word lol, their first victory in transforming me). So slowly i forgot about it. Especially after my laptop died and i lost the link.

Then suddenly one of the admins of that community, Matt, started posting in Jemimus' blog, and i remembered. It still didn't interest me though. After a while, Gref told me Matt was coming to Amsterdam for the weekend and that Jemimus and he would go there for the day to hang out with him. A good opportunity to hang out with Ldydragon and do girly things.

Two days later Gref messaged me that he put the photo's of that weekend on the forum, and gave me the link again. What a bunch of silly guys they are :)

I had fun times reading through the thread, which made me look into the rest of the forum again. I think it was a year and a half after i've last looked at it.

Underneath the thread with the photo's of Amsterdam there was a thread called 'Girls'. This interested me. What do young guys, gamers who sit at their pc all night, really think about girls? Thinking that they are alone amongst guys, without knowing a woman is watching... This intrigued me, so i clicked the link... And with that, signed my faith...

The thread was hilarious, i didn't had to laugh so hard in a very long time. And when i read that most guys there are still a virgin, i wasn't surprised. At all...

Because of this thread, i started to read the forum on a regular basis again, and i quit enjoyed it. It reminded me of the time i was working in a gym, surrounded by guys. A time i sometimes dearly miss.

While reading the forum, something changed. Whereas i used to think 'lol, drawings of guns', i now started to look at it in a different way. Some of them are as young as 13 or 14, but they make the most beautiful computer animations. I was genuinely impressed by all of them who were creatively involved in the community. Maybe that's what kept me reading this time.

There was a think i noticed though. No matter how good they were with other things computer related, they weren't able to search. They asked for help with the simplest things. Now there was one guy (userP90), not too bright and in desperate need of attention, who posted a piece of sheet music and asked what song that was. I found the answer in 30 seconds, because i know how to use google. Being unable to post, because i hadn't registered yet, i thought there had to be somebody else who would find the answer and i just continued reading. That thread turned out to be great. Every one who could play the guitar started playing the piece to see if they recognized the tune, friends and family who played as well were invited too, the piece was recorded and posted in all kind of variations. At first i really enjoyed listening to it, but after page 7 i thought i had to help them out and i registered....

How it all ended

After posting the answer, which was of course my first post, there were a few guys who called me dude and told me i'd done a good job. My second post was something like: Why does everybody think i'm a dude, just because i know how to google?

That, of course, got me a lot of attention. That, and knowing the forum leader personally.

A month or so later, i went for a swim with GrefTek and Ldydragon and Gref posted some pictures of the three of us afterwards. Which turned into me being sold off to the highest bidder. Well, not really of course, but it felt that way.

A few more guys added me to msn after that day and i got to talk to one of them, Notorius. I really liked talking to him and after a while i noticed that i was starting to get feelings for him, which i really didn't want to happen, because he still was so young. He is very stubborn though, and doesn't take no for an answer, so in the end i had to admit that i was falling for him.

Now i was somebody who didn't believe in internet relationships, because i have to feel the energy of a person. On the internet, you can be whoever you want and make somebody believe you are nicer than you actually are. I have to get close to somebody and look him in the eye to see who he is. And frankly i was too old to waste my time on something that wouldn't work out anyways. So what else to do than pack your bags, book a flight and make reservations for a B&B were he lives, so we could meet? Summer holiday would almost start and i didn't have plans anyways, so why not go to England for a week?

This all happened within a few weeks. We started talking, a month later we decided we liked each other better than we should, and 3 weeks later i was in England. I can be very impulsive at times. I had a wonderful week, and so did he. When i came back, i couldn't wait to tell my mum, but he kept it secret for a while. He was after all just 17. Three months later he turned 18 and he told some friends. I was surprised everybody was taking it so well, seeing that i was the one who had a problem with his age at first.

After a few very lonely months, he visited me with New Years. His parents knew by then he was visiting me, but not that we had a relationship. Again, we had a very nice week. I really liked him being here and it was hard to let him go home again. It was hard for him too. I told him that i really wanted to see him more often, but that i couldn't afford to pay for a B&B and a rental car more than twice a year. So this time when he came home, he told his parents about us, so that next time i visit, i'd only have to pay for the plane ticket. Fortunately, they too were ok with it. And so i went back to England in march to meet them. I really like his parents, and i've felt from the start that i can be myself with them. Something that's very important to me.

Now his parents knew about us, it was easier for us to see each other in real life, not just through a webcam. And the first half of the year, we met up every two months. This summer i lived with him and his parents for 3 weeks. I had such a good time there, and this time, going home was even harder. The few times we met before, i knew i'd see him soon again, but the second half of the year, we don't have as many holidays, and i knew the next time i'd see him would be after Christmas.

How it all begins again

So now we've decided it is time to move closer together. Notorius just turned 19 and he started at the Glamorgan University in Wales. For him it's going back to his roots, because he's Welsh. For me it's going back to a place i loved visiting on holidays and that i would love making my home. It's not possible yet to move in together, but i am going to look for a room in the same town he lives in.

I have no idea what i'm going to do there, or where i am going to stay, but i am looking forward to move there. Even though a big step like this scares me a bit.

There are a few things i have to finish here first, but as soon as i've done that, i'm going to resign and start packing. Or rather, continue packing, because i've already started. I need to find a relatively cheap place to store my furniture in as well, because it's not possible to move everything right away. Renting apartments is very expensive in South Wales, far more expensive than here. So i can only afford a single room at first. As soon as i have a permanent job, i can get a mortgage and buy an apartment, which is about the same or cheaper in the UK than it is here. After which i can ship the rest of my stuff to the island and settle down.

As far as a restless soul like me is able to settle down....

An update - long overdue

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 15:55:49 GMT

Every one who has read my blog before, probably noticed i haven't really written anything in about 1,5 years. Last real written post, without any internet quiz attached to it, was in april last year!
But i'm writing again. I picked up or plan to pick up some other things as well. I'll tell you all about it when i actually do so ;)

There are a few things i want to share, but there's something i really needed to do first.
I've promised lildovefeather the story about how i met my boyfriend and i never told her.

So lildove, here's the story i promised to tell so long ago...

Blogging

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 10:42:45 GMT

During summer holiday, we get assigned all kinds of tasks at work, that we usually don't have time for. In my case it was making and customizing a blog for our team, with school colours and all. I loved it! I think i haven't worked that hard for my boss in weeks, and it didn't even feel like work, more like play =D

Two weeks ago we had a symposium at work, and i had to explain to the interested how a blog could benefit them and their team. Or rather weblog, i'm not allowed to call it a blog at work. That made me enthusiast again, and i decided to make a few blogs to see how easy or complicated it is to customize them. For work i decided to use web-log.nl, because i can make that password protected. I can't show it, because well, it's work and for coworkers only ;)

So below there is a list with my blogs. Just pick one, because i'll probably post the same in every one of them ;)
They are not finished yet, i still want to play a bit with the looks. Next step is to learn how to use RSS...

http://butterfly-wt.livejournal.com/ (the blog i had for a long time, and the only one that's finished ;)

http://mariseswings.web-log.nl

http://butterfly-wt.blogspot.com/

(both not finished by a long run)

Edit:
I like the Blogger template i am using now, but i really don't like any of the given templates on web-log, so i'm going to change that and make my own layout. As soon as i have some time and ideas...

One for old times sake

Sun, 03 Sep 2006 20:06:07 GMT

You Are From Neptune

You are dreamy and mystical, with a natural psychic ability.
You love music, poetry, dance, and (most of all) the open sea.
Your soul is filled with possibilities, and your heart overflows with compassion.
You can be in a room full of friendly people and feel all alone.
If you don't get carried away with one idea, your spiritual nature will see you through anything.

What Planet Are You From?

A new start

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 19:11:42 GMT

A lot of things happened to me and i need to make some very big decisions soon. So because of this i thought about posting again on my lj. I haven't opened lj in i can't remember how long!
I start reading and what do i read? I read about a new way of hosting photographs! (thanks to Janestarz post).

Here's a picture hosted by Zooomr...

And here is the link where i got my free account from:
http://blog.zooomr.com/2006/07/20/more-love-for-bloggers-25gb-free-pro-accounts/

So this is a new beginning for me on lj. Ceeya soon!

Quiz: X-Men

Wed, 31 May 2006 22:12:45 GMT

You Are Storm

Exotic and powerful, Storm descended from a line of African priestesses.
Emotions can effect your powers, but you are generally serene.

Powers: controlling weather, creating winds that lift you into flight, generating lightning

Which of the X-Men Are You?

Quiz: What classic movie are you?

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 16:37:48 GMT

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I live for danger? O_o

Colour Quiz

Sun, 02 Apr 2006 12:19:55 GMT

Wings took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Seeks success, stimulation, and a life full of exp..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

Wings's Existing Situation
Working to improve her image in the eyes of others in order to obtain their compliance and agreement with her needs and wishes.

Wings's Stress Sources
An existing situation or relationship is unsatisfactory, but she feels unable to change it to bring about the sense of belonging which she needs. Unwilling to expose her vulnerability, she therefore continues to resist this state of affairs, but feels dependent on the attachment. This not only depresses her. but makes her irritable and impatient, producing considerable restlessness and the urge to get away from the situation, either actually or, at least, mentally. Ability to concentrate may suffer.

Wings's Restrained Characteristics
Willing to participate and to allow herself to become involved, but tries to fend off conflict and disturbance in order to reduce tension.
Circumstances force her to compromise and to forgo some pleasures for the time being. Capable of achieving physical satisfaction through sexual activity.

Wings's Desired Objective
Seeks success, stimulation, and a life full of experience. Wants to develop freely and to shake off the shackles of self-doubt, to win, and to live intensely. Likes contacts with others and is enthusiastic by nature. Receptive to anything new, modern, or intriguing; has many interests and wants to expand her fields of activity. Optimistic about the future.

Wings's Actual Problem
Anxiety and restless dissatisfaction, either with circumstances or with unfulfilled emotional requirements, have produced stress. She tries to escape by intense activity, directed either towards personal success or towards variety of experience.
________

Yes, i want lots of different experiences :)
And yes, i'm totally unhappy with my current situation. Long distance relationships suck big time :(

Personality test

Sun, 02 Apr 2006 11:03:48 GMT

Global Personality Test Results

Stability (70%) high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic..
Orderliness (43%) moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Extraversion (83%) high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

Take Free Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

trait snapshot:

social, outgoing, worry free, optimistic, upbeat, tough, likes large parties, makes friends easily, rarely irritated, open, enjoys leadership, trusting, dominant, thrill seeker, strong, does not like to be alone, assertive, mind over heart, confident, controlling, feels desirable, likes the spotlight, loves food, social chameleon, hard working, concerned about others

Hmmm, accurate. I do work very hard to get the heart over mind though, and slowly i'm getting there ;)
I do worry, i just don't let it get it to me. I'm so worried and afraid to move to another country and work there and start all over again, but that doesn't stop me :)
And i can be alone very well. But maybe because i'm so busy and see so many people during the day, that i don't want anybody around in the evening and weekends. If i'm alone for a long time however, i start getting restless and want to go out and meet people, any people =D
Last but not least. The thing that was mostly wrong was the fact i wouldn't spent too much time on developing my own individual interests. I don't think that's correct, i try a lot of new things and don't forget the me-time ;)

Quiz: What type of Fae are you?

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 17:24:10 GMT

Quiz seen in Ldydragon's journal.

What type of Fae are you?

Another test thingy: How Open Minded Are You?

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 10:08:26 GMT

You Are 64% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded.
Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints.
But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line.
You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

Hmmm, very true :)

The Five Factor Values Test

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 09:52:20 GMT

Your Values Profile

Loyalty:

You value loyalty a fair amount.
You're loyal to your friends... to a point.
But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties.
Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself.

Honesty:

You value honesty a fair amount.
You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it.
If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it.
In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity."

Generosity:

You value generosity a fair amount.
You are all about giving, as long as there's some give and take.
Supportive and kind, you don't mind helping out a friend in need.
But you know when you've given too much. You have no problem saying "no"!

Humility:

You value humility a fair amount.
You tend to be an easy going, humble person.
But occasionally your ego takes over.
You have a slight competitive streak - and the need to be the best.

Tolerance:

You value tolerance highly.
Not only do you enjoy the company of those very different from you...
You do all that you can to seek it out interesting and unique friends.
You think there are many truths in life, and you're open to many of them.

The Five Factor Values Test

Test thingy: Personality Disorder

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 20:53:36 GMT

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	Very High
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Disorder:	High
Narcissistic Disorder:	Low
Avoidant Disorder:	Low
Dependent Disorder:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

Hahaha i've come a long way since my teenage years :)

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 19:27:42 GMT

Wise - A strong mind and intuition for all, you

prefer nature to people, it is just has more

sense. By looks, some would call you an earth

childe or hippe, but your connections go much

deeper than those superficial names.

What Faerie Personality Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I noticed that the outcome of this quiz has to do with the plant you choose. I choose grape vines, because i'd really like a glass of wine now, but i don't have any at home. I get this answer when i choose blue bells as well. When i choose the oak, i'm strong. The other tree makes me dark and the morning glory makes me elegant. Hihihi silly quizzes.

Sun, 05 Feb 2006 00:07:35 GMT

Inspired by Ldydragon :)

After you die...
Guardian Angel

After death, you will exist as a guardian angel in order to protect your still-living loved ones. You might even inspire a classic Christmas movie.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

In this test it was hard to be anything but a saint. The answers were either completely good or evil =D
So, no wonder i came out as a Guardian Angel...

I have to stop making these tests...